xiii: Loving these fleeting moments..

Title: marriage?
Date: Thursday, December 03, 2009
Time:9:16 PM

that is why I am here.. talking to you..

I met sakinah today, for a short moment to pick up mr fuji from her. every time I meet her, we would talk about all the stuff in the world; reflecting about what has gone on in our life. what will happen in the future?(:

Marriage is a serious process in someone's life. Although I have been declaring that I will get married by 25, I wonder whether I will find the right guy. I wonder how will it be. I wonder whether I will be happy with the new-family that I build. How will the whole process goes. Brother asked me once, "I wonder how your house would be like?" I love all those little stuff. to make an ideal house.

Sometimes I wonder how one can just plunge into a marriage before they are even ready for it. Most ended up in worst results, such as divorce. I will not get married before meeting the right 'him' even if my parents were practically forcing me or want to see me get married. For I am the one who will carry the huge responsibility, not them. They think 'love' conquer it all. But i think there is more to 'love' to get a relationship going. Be practical. Seeing such cases disgust me.

Marriage is suppose to be a happy occasion for all if you get married for the right reason. But I guess I will not involve myself in this though I love doing such things. Rush? for what? If he is really the one, he would always be there. Be it rain or shine.

It is just a food for thought(: coz being away from your family to live with a new one is not an easy situation. I think I will cry on my wedding. dont bet on it! haha(:

&imissyou, boyfriend.

Title: December, here we go..
Date: Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Time:9:12 PM

it has been a long while since then...

Hey, blog(: Sorry to have been missing for so long. It seems like since i started school, life has been a whole-lot of roller coaster for me. It was tough making new friends again&adapting to the never ending projects, tutorial and lecture to attend. But yet, I gained insight to how life is in the university. &i don't enjoy much moment of it.. If I were ever to choose my path life again, this path may not be what I want.

However, I don't live with regrets. I tried to make the best out of the situation&see how things goes. Being the youngest among my classmates&friends, I can say they are much mature than me. in terms of their speech, their dress-up. I may get influence; losing every touch of myself.

Starting off at the new environment, I miss you. them. my friends. my schoolmates who I rarely talk to. coz i know of their existence. i can be myself; free. suppress by all these feelings, i worked hard. trying my best to keep my cool. not standing out too much. trying to fit in.. but thank god; my close friends&boyfriend were there to encourage me to get out of my comfort circle. to embrace this difference that I have a hard time suiting till now...

The night is young, but I'm tired..

With my new blogskin, I will update this space more than often(: maybe give you some peek at what happened during my first semester in school. bet you do not know who are my university friends. quoted from boyfriend- "you have only three friends". haha(: these three friends are the one who was there. &the bond we forge, hope it gets stronger by day.

Holiday have started for me. But it seems I have something on every other day. Watch this space. I will update you, my dear. coz I have 190238417583905034 things to talk about. &this is where all memories of the past&significant memories are jotted down.

till then,

Mahmudah.

Title: thoughts`
Date: Saturday, November 21, 2009
Time:4:42 PM

i was drenched..

but i didnt shiver

i had the warmth of someone..

Hey(: I know i have not been blogging for months. &somehow, it may contribute to how I feel right now. Not having a space to vent out how I feel but just continue the random repeated motion of studying every time. yes, university life has started. &it is not easy as I thought it would be.

yes, somehow i'm coping. coping with the support of some of my friend. stepping into the world where competition to excel seems tense. where projects seems never-ending. where time seems to always fall short for you. where life seems to be in a continuous perpetual motion. I somehow wonder how others managed to cope.

I always blame myself for the high expectations that i set for myself&the drive that forces me to keep on track with all my studies. when i fall, the disappointment sets in. harder than it would always be. &that is what happening now. I wonder whether i will see 'A's in my record sheet. coz of my carelessness&the lack of memory space to memorise what is required. i wonder if i'm losing my touch. the touch to study.

i want to be a teacher from young, with the hope that i will inspire&motivate my students. but now, with all this stress&tons of thing to cope with, i'm losing my feel. looking back to my friends who is enjoying their school days with tons of friends, i long to be like them. maybe i'm hiding too much things again...

2 more paper to go. on the verge of giving up. my break is too long now.

i'll be back after mid-terms. with more updates.

i miss you, my blog. the secret to all my past...

Title: Band Investiture 2009`
Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009
Time:11:35 AM

tepuk larh i tidur..

sweet dreams..

The day was here again(: Band Investiture 2009! They are my last batch of juniors since i left the school. That day was a busy day for me!(: the band was supposed to report in the morning. but i could not go early as my lil' baby prince is having his birthday celebration! So, i went over to my aunt's house early to play with him awhile. but he was asleep! haha(: when he wake up, i help him get ready for his celebration&zoom... i was off for to meet ramizah..

dress up for the day(:

that's us(:

Met ramizah at NTUC as i was buying for my graduate chocolate! rush rush off to school coz it was already nearing 4! Just nice in time for the rank taking! before that, went to take picture with my beloved graduates!(: they seriously made my day in band. now, the joy&happiness is gone..

my joy(:

bunch of alumnus...

NCOs squad

the band(: seems so small...

Graduates(:

alumnus!(:

went off to eat! the food is getting better as the years goes by! hahah(: took lots of pic&playing around with all the different alumnus. lost for awhile. but yes, the joy&fun was there. it was 'spoilt' when mrs chee want to talk to me! haha(: wl fault larh.. then i have to confess to her. haha(: after which, that leads to a whole series of meeting as all the committee positions of the alumnus was there. i was jus an ordinary member was promoted to the secretary. thx arh jh. haha(: it was quite a fun meeting. but the sad part is i cant go back for band as my schedule is so uptight!):

section photo

love(:

when back to hall for the prize presentation. &i saw shab!!(: it has been a long long time since i saw that girl! haha(: talked to her for awhile. taking picture with her; reminds me of street parade. that was the most fun event that i have ever done!(:

me&shab

cam-whore!

Then had some section bonding&such! the event was delayed for awhile. haha(: too much time playing around&taking photo of each other. i seriously miss my second clarinet. shakina, shabrina, amalina, shabrina and atika. the fun we used to have(:

the best!

the section!

&all of us went home after the event. me&sakinah walked to pioneer mall to have some of our "ikan-sotong" moments peacefully. haha!(: imy larh saki! haha!

i love this picture(:

alumnus!

the day end up with tired-ness.. knowing full well what is in store for the next day..

Title: dinner with shak`
Date: Friday, August 14, 2009
Time:3:00 PM

dah malam u;
balek cepat.. i tunggu u..

I've been changing the date of my post. don't ask me why! I have been so busy since school start. Projects, tutorial that have kick start from the moment i step into my lecture hall. school life is ok. i still miss my 96521354802 friends i had make in secondary school&jc. i used to know every single person in my cohort. now, i feel like i'm a stranger in the cohort.

I made some friends. maybe acquaintance? i've been giving many people my number. do not know whether they will remember who I am by the end of the day. Yes, i was friendly&talk to people. breaking the barrier wall i had.. &i found two now friends that I will meet every tuesday, wednesday and Friday. bliss. but the projects on hand is the one that will make me cry. i have 2 essays to write. 2 presentation to prepare for. 1 mega project to plan for. &this are all my education module. so, i have to ACE this module to be a good teacher. I'm starting to miss zul, neni&amirah who always been there for me during my pw days...

So, i went to meet my two girlfriends: shakina&nurul after my lesson on friday. finally, familiar faces... I thought my lesson end at 630pm but apparently it end at 730pm. So, they waited for me at JP. window shop. I rush to LJS to find them. &yes, i do miss them soo much. our last meeting was sentosa. it seems nice a gathering. sitting down&eating. laughing at all those stupid jokes, antics.

us. shak.nurul.me.

mum was calling me.

our meal.

after eating, we went to lepak. i know it is already late. but i cant resist the temptation to sit down&have fun with these girls!(: it has been a long long while since i really lepak with my friends. we cam-whore&talk about various topics ranging from our ex-es, crush-es, our silly actions during secondary school. i kept on laughing reminiscing all these moments... haha(:

us(:

back to school):

headed home at 11pm after nurul treat us to ice-cream!(: haha. thanks for that wonderful let-down session we had!<3 love it all.

meet up again!(:

Title: national day`
Date: Sunday, August 09, 2009
Time:9:32 PM

i just want my rest for now..

Happy birthday Singapore(:

blogger is not letting me update my blog.. let's wait for it! I want to upload picture(:

This was supposed to be a happy day. Boyfriend came back from Brunei safe&sound. I met him the day before for awhile only after my tuition for him to pass me something before he have to rush home again): &i so want to watch the fireworks with you, boyfriend.

i was disappointed..

So, i decided to went out with one of my friend(: luckily for him, i went out that day&not get trapped at home. We decided to go out&shop around!(: i went to a flea market at art museum. we had fun! right?(: haha..

dress-up for the day(:

she aso going the celebration(:

flea market(:

one of the art piece!

wishing it was you..

i was there(:

shopping time! i loveeee this!

waiting for him to change..

we walk all the way to ION just to check out the burger king(:

treat me please(:

&i bought this. love the effect(: haha..

something that boyfriend bought for me to accompany me when i study(:

packing up for school tomorrow!(:

i wish you were the one.. who was there.. but you were not. i'm glad that you, my friend, accompany me and cheered up my day(: i seriously had fun that day. next time, let's do it again! you. me. our secret. haha(: jangan bocohkan rahsia!

&school is starting tomorrow! how will i get about it? i wish i have the strength and motivation. For once, i dont feel like going school. i wish we dont have to keep on changing school. i'm scared to make new friends):

Title:
Date: Saturday, August 08, 2009
Time:11:08 AM

Guys keep their first love buried in their heart.
Girls keep their first love buried in the past..

A sudden swarm of sadness overcome me. I dunno what I’m feeling now.. I just feel like the tears that flows down is not doing its justice.. I miss you my dear.. but I could only feel that you are slipping away from my fingers slowly.. for who I am now.. all my smiles seems mask with deception.. I cant believe I’m feeling this way again.. I cant believe I would feel so lost now… eventhough I’m right there with you…

One week has gone by… yes, my camp had ended on Sunday afternoon. Coming home feeling lethargic& such. The lack of sleep drains my every muscle, since you have to walk up&down the hills in NTU. Does this mean that I have to keep fit for now? The camp was not at all fun. I was not making good friends with the rest. Think that I’m too quiet for once. For my own good.. my group was not the enthusiastic kind.. not the kind in JJ where my group will always be the loudest&can be heard miles down.. I just feel not right being there.. however, I did have my fun joking around. Not much pictures was taken.. here it goes. Overall, the rating of the camp 2/5. I seriously missed jj camps..

my group(:

after bathing..

after our performance..

the campers..

camwhore with the girls. hehe..

waiting for our bus..

the rest of the week was spent on tuition. yeah. that's how boring my life is. however, on friday, went back to BLSS to take Friends of Boon Lay award. I was late!=p was supposed to wake wl up at 7am. but i woke up at 720am&call him instead. he asked me to go hurry up. haha.. then he call me again to see that i've really woke up. haha(: quickly get ready! hehe.. then asked mum to send to pm. went to take the award with so much shyness. haha..

i managed to dress up a bit=p

the plaque..

after which, we went for the charity bazaar. ms chua gave us free coupons!(: went to buy some stuff. then off we went.. the guys wanted to venture out safra@jurong. since i have not been there also, i followed. yeah.. nobody was at home also!): went to safra. walked around. ah poh decide to go to KBox. omg. that's how all the fun started! hehe.. we spent 4hrs in there paying 11bucks each. they give us free lunch aso. but i didnt eat coz nt halal. but the singing part was so shiok! ah poh sang hokkien song. jh sang chinese song. me sang malay&eng song with wl. fun fun. hehe..

deciding where to go..

&here we are!

deciding what to eat..

they eat&i sang to my heart content..

partner for the day(:

that outing seriously cheer me up. but i went back to a state of depression as soon i reach my empty home..

I don’t know myself now. Everyday leading this mundane lifestyle. Scared. Fear. Loneliness. You are not there to understand no more. Flashback of memories occur. Stirring up feelings that I force myself to ignore. Coz I just missed you, a simple reason that seems too vague.

i'm entering an unfamiliar surrounding yet again.. no one being there with me. friends who are not there to give me the support&encouragement. somehow. it seems to scary. i cant describe my feelings into words. hold my hand. dont let go.. bring me thru this journey with you..

can you please give me back my happiness? coz i miss it. i miss you..